It's a coffee substitute and holistic remedy in one.
I was never a coffee drinker. My body simply cannot handle the caffeine crash three to four hours later. However, I do love tea, especially black tea with flavored coffee creamer or milk. I usually go for a spicy chai, English breakfast, or Irish breakfast tea. That changed recently when I discovered I have uterine fibroids and a hormonal imbalance. Like most women who love a good cup of coffee or black tea to get them through the day, the main ingredient found in our favorite morning drinks isn’t always good for us.
Yes, I am talking about caffeine. I have learned caffeine feeds the growth of fibroids and doesn’t help balance your hormones. I was never the biggest fan of herbal teas, but I had to make the switch for my health. And I am still exploring the type of herbal teas I enjoy. Nowadays, I start my mornings with peppermint, turmeric, ginger root, or chamomile tea. The thing about herbal teas is that they are naturally healing to the body. And dandelion tea is one of those herbal teas that can do wonders for your body.
If you've never heard of dandelion tea, you’re not the only one. As someone who is new to finding holistic ways to heal my body, I am still learning the basics. Yes, dandelion is a common weed and/or flower that grows in one’s yard, but dandelion has also been used for culinary and medicinal purposes for centuries. Dandelion tea is made from the dandelion root along with the stem, and leaves. It is also considered an ancient herbal medicine. Dandelion tea is also a good source of vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin K, magnesium, potassium, calcium, iron, and zinc. But most people drink dandelion tea as a coffee substitute due to its smoky flavor and dark coloring minus the caffeine.
The easiest way to make dandelion tea is to buy store-bought tea bags and steep them in hot water. But, if you’re old school, you can pick dandelions from your yard (as long as there are no herbicides, pesticides, or animal feces). Rinse the leaves and/or flowers. Place six leaves and/or flowers in a mug, add hot water, and seep for 10 to 20 minutes. Be sure to remove the leaves when you’re ready to drink.
If you use the root of the dandelion, you want to chop the root into small pieces and roast it for two hours. Place 1 to 2 teaspoons in a mug of hot water and steep for 10 minutes. Any remaining leaves or roots can be stored in an airtight container.
Around the world, dandelion tea is a common home remedy for urinary tract infections, inflammation, detoxing the body, and the common cold. Here are a few ways that dandelion naturally heals the body.
If you struggle with feeling bloated, dandelion tea acts as a natural diuretic and increases urine output. The high potassium levels found in dandelion flush out sodium from the body. Studies show increased urine output after one cup of dandelion tea made from the plant’s leaves.
Blood sugar has been trending in health and wellness on the gram, and people with diabetes can benefit from dandelion tea. The healing power of dandelions can help moderate blood sugar and improve insulin resistance. This is due to the phytonutrients found in the dandelion plant as it stimulates insulin sensitivity.
Did you know our bodies are full of toxins? These toxins come from the types of foods we eat. This is why it’s important to eat whole foods and reduce processed foods. Drinking dandelion tea can help the body remove toxins from our body systems. Dandelion helps the liver filter out harmful chemicals from the foods we eat and reduce markers of liver damage.
Flower extracts and other plants are common ingredients in skin care products due to their ability to soothe and heal the skin. When it comes to skin care, dandelion is the ultimate skin glow-up. It protects the skin from sun damage, signs of aging, acne, and reduces inflammation. It has also been said that dandelion can increase collagen production and hydrate your skin.
According to prevention.com, dandelion makes it easier for the body to receive the nutrients it needs. Dandelion tea soothes the stomach lining, allowing our gut to absorb more minerals. It also increases our body’s natural probiotic properties as it enhances a beneficial bacteria called lactobacillus. And gut health is key in regulating other systems of the body.
Since dandelion is high in vitamin C, it helps the body with healthy cell growth and cellular health in general. The antioxidants found in dandelion protect our cells from free radicals which can lead to health conditions such as heart disease and cancer. Overall, the nutrients found in dandelions strengthen the immune system to fight against common colds and cases of flu all year long.
Whether you are looking to reduce your coffee intake or heal your body, dandelion tea has infinite healing benefits for the ultimate health glow-up.
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, Medium, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
Anyone who says that penis size doesn't matter is lying. If you've got a penis, or you have sex with a penis, you know that certain sizes and shapes feel better than others. There isn't a right or a wrong size, nor a good or a bad. All penises are great, no matter the size, but there are some pros and cons for each.
Here are some sex tips for every sized penis.
Men with smaller penises are often much harder when erect than those with a large penis – as the blood flow has less space to fill. I don’t know about you but a harder penis equals a good time to me.
Better and more attentive lovers
Quiet as it’s kept, small penises can be more enjoyable than larger ones. Almost every tiny dicked dude I've had sex with was a better lover than his big penis counterpart. Guys with less-than-average penises tend to have a lot to prove, and who am I to try and stop them?
When it comes to anal sex, size most definitely matters. Most women complain that anal hurts. A bigger penis tends to be too much for butt sex. I’m way more excited to have anal sex when I see that the guy doesn’t have a third leg. Small penises are ideal for backdoor fun because they don’t cause pain, tearing, bleeding, or discomfort.
You can always make a small penis larger, but you can’t make a large penis smaller. With sex toys such as penis extenders any penis can become a bigger penis. Penis extenders are external devices that stretch the penis to make it longer. You can also use a cock ring to create a firmer, bigger erection. As well as penis pumps—a vacuum pump— that can temporarily grow a penis up to an inch in both length and girth.
Smaller penises tend to “fall out” more often, creating a limitation in the type of sexual positions they can perform. Positions like doggystyle and spooning are great positions that will give maximum access. As a general rule, people with smaller penises should stick with positions that facilitate deep penetration, to utilize the entire shaft length.
Random fact, most men are average. The average penis in America is just over 5 inches. Only 15% of all men have penis larger than 7 inches and just a tiny 2% are bigger than 8 inches, as documented in a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. So by these statistics, most men have an average normal penis of about 5 inches. But average doesn’t have to mean bad, in fact, when it comes to sex, its a good thing.
If a guy is on the smaller or bigger side, certain positions can be tough. If he’s in the average range, the world is your sexual oyster and you can pretty much try anything without too much discomfort.
Average penises just feel better. Contrary to popular belief, most of us don’t enjoy having our cervix banged up. Average sized penis fits more comfortably in the cervix. Never have I ever heard someone say that sex was painful from an average penis. The most sensitive part of the vagina is the lower part, and a man with an average penis will have no problem reaching it. He can cause all of the pleasure without all the length.
It is a lot easier to perform oral on a man with an average penis than on a man with a larger or smaller one. When he’s average, you don't have to worry about it fitting in your mouth or gagging and they’re easier to deep throat.
I see none! Moving right along!
For some people size really does matter. Although size has no bearing on its ability to give and receive pleasure some people just prefer bigger. The bigger, the better. There's nothing wrong with that, we all have preferences. To each their own.
Never will be too small
A lot of men worry about being big enough to please a woman. By now we all know that it's not the size of the boat that matters but the motion in the ocean. Skill trumps size any day, but at least if you have a large penis you won’t have to worry about a partner finding you to be too small.
Easier orgasms for some partners
Whether from just the excitement or from actually being stimulated more, some people find it easier to climax with a larger penis. In particular, a thicker penis will provide more of a "stretching" and "filling" feeling. Girthy penises can stimulate the G spot without the use of specific positions or angles. For women a longer penis can also reach the posterior and anterior fornices, which can be very stimulating.
Big penises sound fun on paper but in real life, bigger is not always better. There is such a thing as "too big." That might be a hard thing to accept, and what constitutes as too big differs for each person. Having sex with someone with a too big penis can be painful.
Foreplay and lube are mandatory
I'll always advocate for the importance of foreplay in sex with any size of the penis. There's so much more to good sex than just thrusting of dick in and out. When you have a partner with a larger penis foreplay becomes mandatory. Lube is also mandatory; very few women produce nearly enough natural lubricant to handle the sustained action of a thick penis.
Excess length poses a real problem with heterosexual sex: vaginas are not bottomless pits and the cervix at the back end is for most women very sensitive. This means that certain positions like the ever-popular doggystyle are off limits, but sex positions like cowgirl and missionary are better suited because they avoid thrusting too deep.
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If you frequent TikTok, you’re well aware of its many different sectors–whatever it is that you’re looking for can be found on the social media platform, from beauty tips and style advice to morning and evening routines. TikTok is also a great resource for relationship advice! It goes without saying that you should take what you find on TikTok with a grain of salt or double-check with your own provider depending on what advice you’re seeking out.
One professional handing out a wealth of relationship advice is Jeff Gunther, LPC who I stumbled across via TikTok. Late last month, he dropped a TikTok entitled "8 questions to ask your sweetie before you become exclusive" that featured 8 top-tier questions to ask potential for a deeper dive before making things official-official.
Similarly to the topics that couples should discuss early on in dating to establish what might be non-negotiables, the questions that Gunther proposes to precede exclusivity in your relationships are a great indicator of whether to move the relationship forward or take a step back. “None of these questions are deal-breakers unless you want them to be deal-breakers," Gunther tells xoNecole. "I believe all the answers can be talked about and processed successfully before you decide to commit to a new partner. However, if the majority of these answers are not to your liking you may end up either delaying becoming exclusive or ending things so that you can go find someone who’s a better match.”
Additionally, Gunther recommends revisiting these questions and the responses every six months as a relationship check-in as a means to stay on the same page. “People grow and change in relationships and it’s important [that] you’re still a good match as you move forward," he explains.
Okay, but what are the questions? I’m sure you’re wondering as I go on my tangent. Keep reading to learn more about the 8 questions to ask before becoming exclusive and why.
8 questions to ask your sweetie before you become exclusive.#mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #relationshiptips #dating #datingadvice
As Gunther pointed out in his TikTok, the definition of cheating can differ from person to person and therefore from relationship to relationship. There are different types of cheating (i.e. emotional cheating, sexual cheating) and different levels of cheating (i.e. online affairs, sexual fantasies, financial infidelity). And because cheating has levels to it, one person might have a hard line of no intimate contact of any kind with a person outside of themselves.
Another person might be more flexible in their approach to things like flirting, watching porn, fantasizing, etc. In order to be aligned on what crossing a line and what respecting a line looks like, this question should definitely be discussed.
Relationships are not one size fits all and can be tailored to the ideal that both (or more) parties desire. In addition to the more traditional monogamous relationship, there are also nonmonogamous relationships like monogamish, solo-poly, a free relationship, and the more well-known polyamory. Also, just because people might decide to be in a monogamous relationship doesn't mean the 'structure' they are after in a relationship is the same across the board. Again, one size does not fit all.
There might be rules or boundaries that are necessary to put in place and respect if a relationship is to take place. For example, guidelines like sharing passwords or not sharing passwords might be discussed or if people share a living space, a boundary of what alone time in a relationship looks like might be established.
In regards to kinky stuff, Gunther briefly explains in his video, "You're not trying to yuck their yum, you're just trying to know what to expect." And that is the perfect way to approach this particular question. When it comes to discussing taboo topics, even in the safety of partnership, it can feel a little daunting, especially when there can be an element of sexual shame looming in the atmosphere. Approach this question with an open mind and allow people to express their fetishes, fantasies, and kinks freely. After that, it can be decided whether those kinks work for both parties or if they absolutely don't.
Though the nature of the questions doesn’t seem harmful at all, it is possible for everyone’s perception to differ. This immediately made me wonder what it looks like to have this conversation with ease–doing so in a way that creates as safe and comfortable of a space as possible rather than tension and guardedness. In particular, Gunther suggests that we “enter into this question with curiosity and do your best to be compassionate. We all have red flags. Most of us don’t know what they are.”
It can feel like a loaded question to prompt an ask that prompts someone to convey a concern, worry, doubt, fear, or red flag and it is easy for the response to trigger a desire to go on the defense. Instead of going on the defense, welcome that feedback as the gift that it is. He adds that the opportunity is in fact a "chance to reassure them or give them more context about something they’re fearful about. This question allows you two to be honest about how you’re feeling instead of keeping it bottled up and hoping for the best!”
As humans, we all rely on others for support from time to time. Because we have emotional needs, it is natural to look to a partner for support, especially in relationships. In relationships, the people in them tend to lean on each other more than those outside of the relationship. For this question, it is important to understand how emotionally supportive and available your potential partner may be in relation to the relationship. If the answer to the question is no and therefore there is more of a need to rely on your community than the other person in the relationship, Gunther prompts his viewers to ask themselves, "Am I okay with that?" If you are, that's totally fine. And if you're not, that's fine too.
When thinking about pushing a relationship forward into exclusivity, what the other person realistically has the capacity for is an important element to factor in. Understanding where you and the relationship potentially rank on someone's list of priorities and how that impacts the health of your relationship and your happiness should be discussed sooner rather than later. "If your sweetie is focusing more on work instead of the relationship and you’re let down with that answer it is 100% appropriate to ask them for a timeline of when they’ll be able to prioritize you over everything else. It’s also 100% appropriate for them to tell you that they don’t have an answer.”
Another example could be seeing one another frequently throughout the week is important to one person, but the other person doesn't have the bandwidth to accommodate or prioritize the relationship the way you would like to be prioritized -- that's something that needs to be discussed. Likewise, if there is room to accommodate different priorities and less in-person time together is something that could be respected (not just tolerated), that should be discussed too. Like the seasons, energy and priorities can shift, which is why doing relationship check-ins every six months or so is encouraged so that everyone stays on the same page.
This question right here! In today's dating landscape, gray areas can be commonplace and the status of a relationship could very well be up in the air, or at the very least unclear to everyone involved. If the two of you are casual and have still been entertaining other people, or even if there are some persistent exes looming, this question is very valid and should be asked before moving into the official relationship category. That way it is clear to both parties if the two of you are single-single or if there is some communication that might need to take place to make boundaries clear to people outside of your relationship out of respect for the relationship you are creating with each other.
And for the last question, it's an open-ended one that allows both parties to take the stage and share anything they feel is important to share with the other person. Overall, you want to be present in the conversation, even when you aren’t necessarily fond of the feedback or response you’re receiving. By being present and responding with curiosity, you come closer to making a sound decision regarding the potential of the information. This is always the case – the more information, the better you’re able to make your decision.
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September is all about getting organized, working together with others, having patience, and believing in your dreams. There are real possibilities and opportunities for growth this month, but it’s all about perspective and where you choose to focus your vision. With Virgo Season in full swing, there is more to get done and do than any other time of the year, as Virgo is all about accomplishing the mission. However, rushing your intentions or the work you are doing can lead you to places that don’t serve, and having patience with yourself and others while handling business this month is key. Use your intuition wisely, trust your instincts, and get creative.
On September 5, Venus moves into Virgo and is ready to clean house. Anything or anyone that isn’t healthy or beneficial to your heart is not sustainable in this energy, and Venus in Virgo expects the best of the best. This month is about recognizing the power you hold in life, and knowing you deserve everything you truly want in love. A few days later, Mercury goes retrograde for the third time this year. Mercury will begin its retrograde transit in Libra from September 9 to September 23 and will finish its retrograde transit in Virgo from September 23 to October 2.
With both of these signs being very logical signs, it’s all about the mind and communication right now. This time is about paying attention to the signs, not getting too ahead of yourself, and of taking things one day at a time. Know that the messages will come, but it’s also equally important to tap into and understand your own personal truths as well so that you can communicate that clearly.
The Full Moon occurring mid-month on September 10 is happening in Pisces, and it is the Harvest Full Moon of the year. This Full Moon is all about dreams coming true and manifestations appearing. A Full Moon in Pisces gets emotional, and overall this is a time of deep growth happening within and without. On September 22, Libra Season begins, and the energy moves from detail-oriented, goddess energy Virgo, into relationship-oriented, love-focused Libra. With Libra Season moving through, new relationship developments will be taking place at the end of the month and September is a time of working together with others instead of alone.
The New Moon in Libra on September 25 before the month ends is bringing this love energy front and center, and by the end of the month, you should be setting your intentions for love, connection, and balance. September is overall about giving yourself and others grace and believing in the beauty and magic of what is becoming for you. Here's what else the month has in store for your zodiac sign.
September is a month of paving new paths for yourself and seeing new doors open for you in life, Aries. The focus is on the work you are doing right now, and the return you are seeing. It’s all about finding the balance between your work priorities and what your body and your health need from you as well. With the Sun moving through your 6th house of daily routines for most of the month, this is the time to get organized, make space, and focus on what is best for you overall.
Mercury goes retrograde this month and will be moving retrograde in your 7th house of love and relationships from September 9 to September 23. With a New Moon also in this area of your chart on September 25, the message is clear right now, and that is that sometimes it’s better to come together with others and work as a team, rather than trying to have the upper hand. Seek the peace within your relationships, and take note of what abundant circumstances are appearing for you.
This month is all about emotional freedom, joy, and connection, Taurus. There are a lot of positive experiences for you to enjoy in September, and you are feeling like you have your people around you, supporting you every step of the way. This is the month to share the love and allow yourself to receive it as well. When you can live in your authentic truths, you inspire others to as well and people are meeting you where you are.
The Sun and Venus are moving through your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and love is truly on your side right now. The intentions you have been setting when it comes to your love life and your close relationships are seeing fruition, and it feels good to know where you stand with others and vice versa. The Full Moon on September 10 is a time of revelation when it comes to your friendship and community, and you are gaining clarity on who has been there for you through it all this month.
September is all about having patience, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going into retrograde this month, there is a need to take things slower, water your seeds, and give yourself grace through what is becoming for you right now. The more you can live day by day trusting yourself, your value, and your gift of manifestation, the more you can allow the universe to meet you halfway. Lists of gratitude serve your soul well this month, and it’s all about perspective.
Mercury will be in retrograde in your 5th house of romance for a few weeks, then it will move into the area of your birth chart having to do with the home and your foundations in life. Overall this month is about finding the balance between having fun and protecting your energy, and sometimes you need time to figure out which is which. The New Moon in fellow air sign Libra happening at the end of the month on September 25 will be an awakening experience for you and will allow you to reconnect with your hope and inspiration.
This is a groundbreaking month for you, Cancer. Things are changing for you this month but they are overall changes that have needed to be made and are setting you up on the path toward success. September is all about flowing through change and finding your ground no matter what is happening around you. Remember that the Universe has your back, and go from there. You are stronger than you know.
There is a Full Moon happening on September 10 in fellow water sign Pisces, and this Full Moon will be giving you all the insight and clarity on where expanding your horizons is necessary, and on seeing the bigger picture. With Mercury moving retrograde in your 4th house of home, family, foundations, and your inner world for most of the month, foundations are shaking and you are getting the opportunity to rebuild for yourself in a way that makes more sense for you. Remember that what leaves your life is not sustainable for you to continue and that the detours you are experiencing this month are blessings.
Now that Leo Season has passed, you are getting the opportunity to regroup, reflect, and get some much-needed rest, Leo. There is an energy of a lot happening in your life this past month and for September, and allowing yourself and your mind time to process means everything right now. Don’t overthink things or sell yourself short, and trust that giving yourself time and grace to work through what is appearing for you now will be better for everyone in the long run.
With the Sun and Venus moving through your 2nd house of income, value systems, assets, and self-confidence in life for most of the month, you are gaining clarity on what you are putting out, what you are receiving, and if this is where you want to be in life. You deserve to live abundantly and find stability in this success, and September is the month of recognizing what you need and if you are truly getting that in life. Don’t be afraid to flip the script this month, switch things up, and ask for what you want.
Virgo Season is underway, and the spotlight is on you right now, Virgo! September is your month of stepping up, leading the pack, and showing up for yourself and your life. You are feeling powerful every step of the way this month and are not only proving to others what you are capable of, but most importantly proving it to yourself as well. Remember that who you are is beautiful and enough, and allow your authenticity to shine in all its glory this month.
Your ruling planet Mercury will be going retrograde on September 9 and will begin its transit in Libra and your 2nd house of income, before moving into Virgo and your 1st house of self from September 23 to October 2nd. Overall, this is a time of going over your finances, replanning, and valuing yourself more than anything. With Venus in Virgo from September 5 to September 29, the confidence will be with you to move through anything, and there will be love showering on you in magical ways. You can get through anything, Virgo, and you are doing so with a smile on your face this month.
September is a month of balance and synergy for you, Libra. This is the month where you are experiencing a coming together in your life, and love and magic are unfolding for you right now. With a lot of energy in Libra this month, things are moving fast for you, but you’re dancing with life as if it is nothing to you but another day. The cycles of life are moving, and you are finding a lot of gratitude for the way things have panned out for you.
With Mercury going retrograde in your sign from September 9 to September 23, Libra Season beginning on September 22, a New Moon in Libra on September 25, and Venus entering Libra on September 29, the message is clear right now; and that is to spend more time on yourself and for yourself. Don’t be afraid to be a little more selfish this month, as this is the time for you to recognize the gifts you hold, the beauty within you, and the power you have in life. Repeat, “I love who I am, and I love who I am becoming” throughout the month.
September is all about clarity and recognition for you, Scorpio. Truths are coming to the surface this month that cannot be denied, and the answers are right in front of you. This is the month to listen to your heart, open your mind, and prepare for a new day. Remember that you are beautiful and capable no matter who else can see that, and the more you believe in yourself and all that is possible for you in life, the more blessings that can show up for you this month.
The Sun and Venus will be moving through your 11th house of friendship for most of September, and this is a good month to expand your horizons, network, and meet new people. Focus on your intentions right now and know that the key to manifesting is to believe it is already so, rather than getting stuck in the vision of worry or of what you don’t want. The New Moon at the end of the month is closing some chapters in your life, and you are ready for this release.
September is an inspiring month for you, Sagittarius. This is the month to move forward with your passions and tap into your inner courage and creativity. Remember that you are protected and supported every step of the way on your journey in life and that your wise soul is needed in this world. It’s all about your aspirations and expressing yourself and your gifts in September. It’s time to shine, Sag!
The energy is in your 10th house of career and reputation this month, and this is a good time for following through on your goals and knocking off your to-do list. Personal achievements are being made in September, and the light is shining on you right now. With Mercury moving retrograde in your house of intentions, hopes, and dreams for most of the month, your goals may be looking different right now than they did before, and that’s okay. Instead of doing things how you always have, look for new ways to express yourself and be open to new possibilities right now.
Love is flowing through your world this month, Capricorn. Soulmate connections are in your life, and there is so much love around you in September. This is the month to come together with others and allow your heart to experience all the beauty and joy that this life has to offer you. Opposites attract, and that is the energy you are feeling this month. You are seeing that previous conflicts or disagreements don’t have a space in your heart today, and you are tapping into the forgiveness, grace, and commitment that is in your life right now.
With the Sun and Venus in fellow earth sign Virgo for most of the month and moving through your house of adventure and travel, this is a good month to go on an adventure. Take that trip that you’ve been putting off, read that book that’s collecting dust on your shelf, and expand your horizons. The Full Moon in Pisces mid-month is also coming through with all the intuitive guidance you are looking for. This is a month of enlightenment, communicating from the heart, and following your intuition.
September is a month of new beginnings for you emotionally, Aquarius. Your heart is opening up to something new, and you are walking through new doors this month. September is your time to be free, live free, and allow yourself to rewrite your story. Remember that this life is yours to live and that you don’t need approval from anyone else to be happy. You deserve this fresh start that this month is bringing into your life.
With Mercury moving retrograde in a spiritual, adventurous, and inspiring area of your chart this month, the clarity may be a little more difficult to attain for the time being. Work with what is presenting itself to you, and know that everything you need to know will be shown to you at the right time. Be patient when it comes to plans and detours, and trust that when you follow your intuition, you will be on the right path. The New Moon happening before the month ends is bringing things full circle in your life and clearing any obstacles that presented themselves to you in September.
Important achievements are being made this month, and you are getting the positive recognition you deserve, Pisces. September is a month of victory for you, and a month to move through confidently. Be your biggest cheerleader this month and allow others to show you their support as well, trusting that it’s coming from a genuine place and that you are deserving of the success that is unfolding for you now. You are moving mountains in September and claiming your blessings.
With a New Moon in your sign mid-month on September 10, you are seeing your intentions manifest into your reality. This New Moon is all about positive recognition, and seeing yourself in the beautiful way you wish others to. Self-love rituals are key this month, and you deserve to be adorned and treated right. With the Sun and Venus also moving through your 7th house of love for most of September, there is a lot of harmony, grace, and love showering down upon you this month, soak it in.
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If you’re like most Issa Rae- and good TV-loving humans with a pulse, you probably ran, not walked, to catch HBO Max’s Rap Sh!t. On top of celebrating Black women in their most authentic essence, the show highlights Florida's rarely seen yet indulgent side. As a Florida-born and raised woman who loves her Cuban sandwiches, slowed-down music, rims, bass, and never-ending sunshine, seeing Rap Sh!t pay homage to my state has been like receiving an overdue love letter in high school from the guy you’ve been crushing on for weeks.
Rap Sh!t follows the unlikely yet revived friendship between Mia (KaMillion) and Shawna (Aida Osman) as they dip their perfectly pedicured toes into the world of a rap duo. The two, who belong to different worlds in the same city, in Miami, Florida, find themselves randomly paired together after connecting on Instagram and soon are drunkenly creating a viral hit called “Seduce & Scheme.” Mia, a single mother and 9-to-5 influencer with more followers than funds, finds herself intrigued by the possibility of doing the unthinkable: being a rapper. Shawna, on the other hand, is a semi-established “woke” rapper with a seemingly stalled career and a fraud scheme or two up her hotel reception sleeves.
The two are different - as most great connections and friendships are - but they make it work. They see the magic. They understand that what they have is rare. While they wade through the world of pimps-turned-managers, toxic ass boyfriends and mothers, and deferred dreams, they find that making it is the easy part; maintaining it is where it gets tricky.
As usual, Issa Rae authentically gets the stories of Black women right. With Insecure, we saw it come to life in California; in Rap Sh!t, we see the Black Girl Magic in the Sunshine state away from reality TV. For far too long, Florida’s music scene has been considered gimmicky hip-hop by the mainstream - with artists like Major Nine, Tom G, Tokyo Jetz, and even the show’s star KaMillion - staring at us, waiting for us to “get” it. Hip-hop in Florida is just as monumental as in any borough in NY or any ‘hood in Cali.
There’s more than the beaches and nightclubs; the show represents the duality of how something appears and the underlying beautiful spots we often don’t take the time to see. Similarly, the duality of being a Black woman in America is that, wherever you reside, and whoever you stand beside, you’ll always have the weight of working towards a dream while ensuring your superwoman cape doesn’t strangle you simultaneously. Rap Sh!t gets all the things right about being caught in the middle of doing everything for others, by others’ standards, and with everyone else in mind at the expense of your destiny.
While we sit on pins and needles waiting for season 2 of Rap Sh!t, we can rest assured that the five lessons we learned from the show will live rent-free in our heads until then. And if you haven't binged the season already, be aware that some light spoilers are ahead.
First things first, Shawna is a questionable, if not bad, friend. While I’m not saying Mia is perfect, there’s a layer of superiority that Shawna knowingly carries around with all interactions she has. From claiming to be the “pen” behind the entire group while belittling Mia to nothing more than branding, to taking it upon herself to be more focused on her boyfriend than her business (while leaving Mia to do all the work, which she doesn’t get credit for); it’s not hard to see why the two had a disconnect. In life, we have to understand that, as Oprah, we rarely meet our Gayle; so when we do, we have to work like hell to be the type of friend to them that we’d want in our corner. The connection and trust you have for someone to give them the title of “friend” are more understated than we acknowledge.
Part of me wonders if there is a conflict in how Shawna and Mia treat friendship because they’ve received friendship on opposite ends of the spectrum in the past. One from the outside looking in and the other from the inside looking out. Either way, check on your strong friends, your weak friends, your rich friends, and your poor friends. Being a good friend is as simple as showing up consistently. This season, we saw Mia showing up more for Shawna than vice versa. It could be because, secretly, Mia was searching for someone who would see her as more than the loud, popular influencer she is. She wanted someone to finally see her for her.
Still, consistently we see Shawna put herself and her ego over her friendship, her group, and the promises they made to each other. Now, Shawna has to pay the price for it by losing the authenticity of a true friendship. Point blank: Romantic relationships aren’t the only relationships that deserve your attention. Your friendships are like any other relationship in your life; they deserve to be watered, prioritized, and nurtured.
I’m not gonna hold you long on this one, sis. The known dream for one (Shawna) and the unknown dream for another (Mia) came together by simply stepping out of their comfort zones. Imagine if Shawna kept her nose turned up at the “Seduce & Scheme” track or if Mia had politely turned the opportunity to freestyle down because it wasn’t her “thing.” Too many of us stay in places where we’re comfortable simply because we’re scared of what happens if we fly.
Be more fearful of the magic you’re leaving behind if you DON’T fly. Chase those dreams. Do all the things. Even if every inch of your body trembles. Have something to reflect on and say, “I’m glad I at least tried.”
Shawna starts the season off as a “woke” but not watched rapper. Sure her rhymes have bars that would likely impress someone on a BET Cypher, but beyond that…nobody’s checking for it, and she knows it. Sometimes, you have to be flexible about HOW you get to your destination (within reason) without sacrificing the journey itself. There is so many layers of who you are that exist and the intersection of change and more change. Sometimes the pivot is truly your purpose, shifting gears. With Mia, they laughed and doubted her transforming from an Only Fans model and influencer into a solid rap artist.
Both ladies leave us with an important reminder of just how important it is to be flexible and open to change. That’s not to say you need to abandon your dreams, but it is to say that sometimes the vehicle to get to your destination isn’t quite what you picture in the Lyft app in your mind. Be open to change. Be open to the pivot. Be as aggressive about both.
Be you. Do you. Authentically. Even though Shawna was probably less likely to throw on Trick Daddy before hanging with Mia, that music, that beat, that feeling is in her Miami-born DNA. So she’s able to bring the pieces of her that aren’t the traditional sides seen in Miami and fuse them with the parts of Miami that make it one of the most intoxicating cities in the world.
Then there are Reina Reigns of the world. The ones who will code switch their way out of their blessings and purpose simply because it sells. Or because people like it. Or because people will click. Peeling back all the layers of who they are will reveal the truth, but the mask has to get hot and heavy on the surface. Be you. Do you. Love you, sis. ‘Nuff said.
Cliff is trash. There, I said it. As women, we can sometimes find ourselves clinging to what was for fear of what maybe-kinda-sorta-may-never-be-again. Stop blocking your blessings by holding onto dead weight, begging to be let go. Also, when someone shows you who they are - believe them. I think at one time Cliff (Devon Terrell) genuinely loved Shawna, as long as she fit into the box of what he deemed her most valuable. If a man makes you choose between the deliciously honey-drenched versions of yourself, don’t hesitate to decide for him.
If you can’t embrace me in all of my Caresha excellence, don’t expect to ever witness my Michelle O. magic.
The moment she stepped out of that box he’d placed her in, he began to treat a diamond like an empty roll of toilet paper; sadly, Shawna allowed it. There are so many relationships in my past that have me wishing I would’ve done things differently, but the reality is no one could’ve told me what was toxic until I was detoxed from it enough to see it. Still, we know when the ones closest to us hurt us in the ways they know will penetrate us the most: words.
It’s easier said than done, but you deserve better than toxicity in any relationship in your life - especially the one you lay up with while they minimize your greatness—hard pass. But don’t worry; they’ll spin the block once they realize they can’t find your replica. That’s not your business, though. Focus on your focus and love who (shows and proves) that they love you right back.
Rap Sh!t was a fantastic journey into our layered and often complex relationships with our friends, love, and dreams. Whether you’re chasing one or all three simultaneously, you deserve all the good sh!t - no seduce and scheme, necessary.
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Featured image by Alicia Vera/HBO Max
I wasn’t prepared for just how beautifully queer the new Prime Video series A League of Their Own would be. Based off of the 1992 film of the same name, the show is a true reboot with completely new characters and storylines being brought to life.
One of those new additions includes Maxine Chapman, a Black queer pitcher who aspires to play professional baseball, played by actress Chanté Adams of Journal for Jordan fame. Throughout the first season, viewers watch Maxine’s journey to playing professionally all while exploring her sexuality through a secret affair with her pastor’s wife and a passionless flirtation with a man who could help her get on the baseball team.
It’s difficult to figure out your sexuality as a Black woman at any point in time. Add living in 1940s America, when homosexuality and all other forms of queerness were still criminalized, and an overbearing mother who wants to control your life, Maxine coming into her sexual identity becomes just as difficult of a process as being a Black woman trying to launch her professional baseball career.
Dealing with professional disappointment and trying to break free from her mother’s expectations, only makes grappling with her sexuality even more difficult. Maxine briefly entertains a gentleman suitor that she’s had a slight flirtation with in the beginning of the series, but is immediately disillusioned after a lackluster sexual encounter between the two.
Things reach a climax for Max in regards to coming to terms with her sexuality when she meets her Uncle Bertie (Lea Robinson) — her mother’s estranged transgender brother. Meeting him and his wife opens up a possible future Max didn’t know existed. But she’s too afraid to share these new revelations about herself even with her closest friend Clance.
Despite the serious subject matters the show touches on – from racism and sexism to queerphobia – A League of Their Own is a delightful, lighthearted watch in no small part because of the talent that Adams possesses to deftly handle the material with charm, wit, and grace.
Lea Robinson as Uncle Bertie
Adams shows the full range of the character when Max begins to embrace her sexuality. She cuts her hair and wears a tailored suit that her Uncle Bertie had made for her. That’s when Max begins to experience the splendors that life has to offer her. There’s a particularly tender moment in episode six titled “Stealing Home,” when Max is at a party at Uncle Bertie’s house surrounded by other queer Black folks. She is joyful and relaxed in a way she hasn’t been throughout the entire series, even in her fun and loving friendship with Clance.
In her newfound liberation and joy, Max becomes confident in who she is, as a star baseball player and a queer person. She then meets a woman who would change the trajectory of her life both personally and professionally, setting up an enticing cliffhanger for season two.
The new A League of Their Own provides audiences with a brief glimpse into the joy and fears that came with being a queer Black person living in WWII America, so much of which was hidden or erased from history. While the professional aspect of Maxine’s character is based on Toni Stone, Mamie “Peanut” Johnson, and Connie Morgan — three history-making Black female baseball players — the personal aspect of her life is a tribute to all the queer Black women that existed during that time who were determined to carve a life out for themselves in a world that gave them so little room to do so.
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“Maintaining that level of fear, having that fight or flight response in your body for 12-14 hours a day for a few weeks can be a lot.”